SOME’N U’NIQUE: Super Bowl XLIX: The Shittiest One Ever

Welcome to the 2nd installment of  SOME’N  U’NIQUE! I’m just gonna apologize right now, because a lot of people will not like me after this one!

Yep, that’s right; tomorrow’s Super Bowl between the Seahawks and Patriots will be the shittiest one ever! So yeah, I said it, and you read the title right.  I don’t even know where to start; should I get into the Patriots cheatin’ asses, or Russell Wilson’s, I-could-barely-complete-a-pass lame ass!? Oh, don’t worry, I’ll get to Marshawn Lynch’s dumbass in a minute!

Seahawks vs. Patriots XLIX (49) The Shittiest Super Bowl Ever
Seahawks vs. Patriots
XLIX (49) The Shittiest Super Bowl Ever

For those who don’t know, I was born and raised in St. Louis, MO, and if you’re a native St. Louisian, there’s NO WAY in hell you can EVER—forever, ever, be a Seahawks fan—you just can’t.  Ok, get ya’ jokes in now; say whatever it is you’re gonna say about the Rams, but I’m still gonna tear into the Sea-bums, oh, I mean Sea-hoes, no, sorry, Seahawks.

Ok, I know the first thing Seahawks fans are gonna yell about is Wilson’s 95.0 QB rating and Seattle’s 14-4 season record—but now what do you have?  Wait, you’re gonna brag about Lynch and Sherman, right? Ok, now what?  Get real—those are the only names most so-called fans even know.  Fresh outta ammo? Good—now be quiet.

I don’t care about the 95.0 QB rating or the Seahawks 14-4 record; and even though he had fewer interceptions this year, Wilson has had trouble with interceptions since he came into the NFL. In 2012 he had 10, the following season he had 9, and this year he had 7; 4 of which came against the Packers a couple weeks ago.  Wilson had the fewest TDs of his career this year with 20, compared to 26 in 2012 & 2013. Your beloved, pubic-hair-rogaine-commercial-candidate QB also had the most fumbles (11) of his career this season.  Like it or not, admit it people, his stats were “ok”, but certainly not the best in the 2014 Super Bowl against Denver, where he completed 18 of 25 and barely threw for 200 yards—Seattle’s defense basically won the game.

Look at Wilson's Hair Cut that shit!
Look at Wilson’s Hair
Cut that shit!

Now that that’s out the way, let’s get to the Sea-hoes, pompous-asshole-poster-boy, Marshawn Lynch.  This MF right here, well, I’ll just let you watch the video.

Dude, grow the fuck up! You’re in the NFL, you’re one of the team’s star players, and you get paid millions of dollars to be a professional—fuckin’ act like it. You’re an embarrassment & you look ridiculous. But wait, here’s another one!

Now, the New England Pussiots, I mean, Patriots—cheatin’ sons-of-bitches.  Alright, no doubt, it’s been a tough-ass, controversial season for Goodell dealing with the Ray Rice and Adrian Peterson fiascos, and now additional allegations of the Patriots cheating yet again.  The Patriots have been doing this shit every since they played the Rams in the 2002 Super Bowl, probably before, but don’t take my word for it, listen to Kurt Warner talk about it in this audio.

What’s worse, I’m almost willing to bet my life that they were cheating long before that—it’s probably just the first time they got caught doing it, but we all know it wouldn’t be the last.  Remember “Spygate” in 2007?  Yeah, all you Punks fans, oh, Pats fans know what I’m talking about.  That’s when New England got busted videotaping the Jets defensive coaches and Belichick’s, prude, sneaky-looking, expressionless-ass was fined $500,000.

Patriots Head Coach - Bill Belichick
Patriots Head Coach – Bill Belichick

Oh, wait, it doesn’t stop there, there’s been rumors that they cheated again somewhere between “Spygate” and today’s “Deflategate” – WTF!?  Then, you got Brady’s doped-up, wanna-be rock star-looking-ass stating he don’t know shit.  Dude, you’re the fuckin’ QB!  You know what each and every game ball feels like; it’s no way he couldn’t have known.

What’s really fucked up, Brady and Belichick indirectly tried to put the shit on the ‘equipment guy’!?  Wait, so you mean to tell me, if you’re the equipment guy for the Pats, and MVP, big-shot QB, Tom Brady personally tells you to make sure the balls are “this” way or “that” way—you’re not gonna do it!?  You know the kind of leverage Brady has over this guy!?  That could damn near be considered, coercion.

Deflategate - New England Patriots
Deflategate – New England Patriots

The thing that I wanna know, just like so many other fans, is—how come Roger Goodell’s smug-ass isn’t really doing shit about New England’s history of cheating?  Those sons-of-bitches should’ve been stripped of their Super Bowl appearance if you ask me—this isn’t an isolate event with them—it’s a repetitive one—fuckin’ do something!

Oh, and how, or better yet, why, did the NFL choose to play the Super Bowl in dry-ass Arizona!?  Again, WTF!?  No, I really don’t give a shit about this year’s super bowl, but, I despise Seattle enough to root for the New England Pussiots—basically, I’m just choosing the lesser of two evils.  Like I said—shittiest Super Bowl ever.


Tune in next week for another episode of SOME’N U’NIQUE!


2 thoughts on “SOME’N U’NIQUE: Super Bowl XLIX: The Shittiest One Ever

  1. I may keep TV on in background but really won’t watch it. If Miami Dolphins not in it, I don’t care.

    Still harboring resentment from last year as only one commercial had a bit re our troops serving around the world and no mention in half time show at all. Disgraceful. But I am sure the troops did enjoy the pitiful shake your booty effort.

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